MXL:OS Expert
Joined: 04 Oct 2004
Posts: 3537
Location: Somewhere, nowhere, everywhere
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Note: This was for my creative writing class. Its based on Rain losing two of her best friends.
Dark spruce forest frowned on either side the frozen waterway. The trees had been stripped by a recent wind of their white covering in frost, and they seemed to lean toward each other, black and ominous in the fading light. The land itself was a desolation, lifeless, without movement, so alone and cold that the spirit was not even that of sadness. There was a hint of laughter more terrible than any sadness- a laughter that was mirthless as the smile of the sphinx, a laughter as cold as the frost partaking of the grimness of infallibility. It was the masterful and incommunicable wisdom of the eternity laughing at the futility and the effort of life.
The coldness, the deep snow, and the biting wind tried its hardest to strike me down but it didnt. It couldnt. Try as it might I felt nothing, was nothing, nothing but an empty shell. I was the vessel for an unfathomable hole that could not be seen, only felt, by me the bearer.
This wild unwelcoming place suited my mood with its quiet deadness, the cold wind as cold as my heart.
Why was it that when you were given something to love and cherish its taken away abrupty without warning? This question I have asked often enough in my life, I could break the world record for anything, that and the wishing. I wished many a time to get her back. I wanted Tasha back, my best friend and sister back.
Only a week ago had she come back from the "dead" after having faked it for some reason, which I never really found out nor asked. The only thing I know was that it made me and my other best friend, Sage, a wreck for two long pain filled years.
The same day Tasha had come back she was gone, taken away yet again. A small deadly object had done the job. That damned thing was a bullet meant for Sage, but Tasha had taken it for her like any friend and sister would do.
Sage had run off in her car to the next safe house, which was being raided by GS Agents and I had followed to keep an eye on her as I knew her anger ruled when it was amped up immensely.
I had been on the roof top waiting for Sage to be done venting her anger over Tasha coming back and then leaving again after two years thinking her dead. Sage was madder than I was, taking it the hardest, and I, being the more level headed one, out of both of them, managed to supress my emotions better.
They say it happens in slow motion but I can tell you that it doesn't. It happens in normal time, which always seems to fast. When I repeat it over and over it happens slower and slower, making me wish I could turn back the clock, change it while beating myself up for having agreed to Sage's....request at leaving her alone. If I had not done so maybe I could haved saved Tasha but in my empyt heart I knew what was done was done, meant to be the way it is now. Why I have no damned clue and it damn well bites.
Even after she was buried in the soft earth I kept calling her cell phone. hoping beyond hope that it was just a sick joke. I knew I should have probably deleted her number from my phone but I couldnt. It would mean she was gone forever, which was just too painful and it was like I had something of hers even if it was just a silly number.
Days later Sage left in an angry, sad and confused state as she had been when this first happened to her. Before she left we had a fight out of anger and sadness of a friends passing. It wasn't that we hated each other or had a real reason to bicker about something it was just the grief talking that was still raw, bleeding and very tender. This raw hurt was another gash in both our hearts having lost people we loved before meeting one another.
While Sage disappeared I stayed behind for a while, angry at her as she was with me. During my stay a friend of Tasha's appeared, Natyla, who she had brought back from her hiding. She had invaded my territory that I was staying at and at the stage of anger and grief I was in I was not a very nice person.
Natlya to me was a heartless, rude, and annoyingly stoic person that seemed to be unaffected by anything, least of all Tasha's murder. She dared to accuse me of a few things and I...."showed" her what I thought of such accusations.
Being angry at Sage for being her and why is a long story but most of all I was angry with Tasha for leaving. Everything in my fragile, scarred world had fallen apart two years ago but now was worse. What pieces had been put back together fell into smaller pieces. I hated her greatly but then again I didnt, I couldnt, it wasnt in me to do so. Instead I left, wanting to be alone in my misery and seek answers to questions that I wasnt sure could be answered.
I lay my massive white and black stripped head on my paws, crying. The warm wet tears quickly turned to tears of ice, clinging to my snow covered and iced fur. My throat constricted, aching, becoming painful like my hollow heart. Could it be seen the way I did, four deep, tender scars and a freshly cut one would be visible. Each scar was for a person I had lost in my life, fragile these scars were, even years later. You'd think it would go away but can deep hurts go away? Does a deep cut not leave a scar that can still hurt? Heal they do yes but recalling them can hurt.
Tasha did not leave a mark on me, she left an emotional scar, a psychological scar. She was my first true friend after Ryan died in Cambodia. The cut she leaves now and the scar she will leave, was and is my price to pay for letting her in, and a heavy price it was. In a way it is worth paying, being able to know and have her friendship, but with her departure a large portion of my already torn up and wounded soul was missing yet again.
With all that I have seen and done, you'd think I could pass it off as just another incident. "Oh look there goes another friend," but each cut, each bruise both physical and emotional leave a mark, a memory of how you got it, making you tend to remember it all whether you want to or not.
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When we collide we loose ourselves. When we collide we break in two. And as we push and we shove and we hurt the ones we love. It's a hard mistake. When we collide. We break. |
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